Up Close And Personal Part II
Up Close And Personal (part II): It’s A Thin Line Between Intimacy And Sex
We previously delved into the murky waters of intimacy and sex—murky because too many people confuse sex with intimacy. Vanessa Caldwell-Jenkins, MS and founder of VISIONS defines sex as mere penetration. She says that “intimacy is internally getting to know your mate, sharing heart to heart, feeling him.” We must understand that when we give our bodies to a man before we’ve become intimate with him, we are left feeling frustrated, confused and empty because the sexual act cannot replace the fulfillment that intimacy, closeness and friendship give. So when we desire to get to know a man better, sex is the wrong road to travel to get to his heart.
Now that we’ve established that intimacy and sex work against each other in relationships that are not founded upon love, companionship, and devotion—how can one reach a deep, intimate level with a person they desire to know deeply? The only way to really understand intimacy is to look to the creator, examine the closeness he rooted in His relationship with man from the moment He designed him and explore how we can achieve the intimacy we desire.
In order for us to move forward, we’ve got to look back…way back to the beginning of time as we know it.
In the Beginning—Starting From Day “6”During the 6 day creation period, God spoke into existence everything that is on earth. Keeping with His divine character, God formed man with His mouth and spoke him into being as well. According to Pastor William Crest, Founder and Overseer of More Than Conquerors Church in Virginia Beach, VA, the way man was created is the closest possible form of intimacy that exists. ‘Form means to fashion, therefore God intimately fashioned and designed man in His personal image and likeness…not haphazardly or by chance, but out of love and with the desire to have someone to fellowship. God breathed into man after He designed him, expressing the deepest level of closeness between man and God.’
Pastor Crest says that intimacy involves all 3 facets of man—starting with the spirit, moving to the soul then ending in the body.
Breathe On Me
Speaking of breathing, in order for a person to feel someone’s breath, she has to physically be in close proximity to that person—in the personal-space zone. Crest says, “God’s breathing into man is the deepest and most profound act of intimacy—that was the establishment and foundation of true intimacy (which is spiritual).”
Speaking of the divine, breath means spirit, so when God breathed His breath into man He shared with man a part of Himself, His Spirit. Thus is the same in human relationships. When a person becomes intimate with another, through physical closeness and the breath—talking, fellowshipping, communing—each touches the other on a deeper, spiritual level. ‘God’s breathing in us shows us a level of intimacy we could experience’ says Pastor Crest. So if we desire to get up close and personal with another individual—whether in friendship, relationship or a familial connection—we should allow ourselves to get close enough where we are in each other’s personal space, connecting spiritually and feeling the other’s breath. Yes, sex involves getting into close quarters with another, panting on each other and connecting spiritually, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. Remember you can have sex without being intimate and intimacy can be achieved without intercourse. Engaging in relations with no commitment, friendship, and loyalty gives us a false sense of intimacy. We have to learn the difference and act on it.
Just as God ‘touched’ man as He formed him, Crest states that we should also touch others when we desire to experience a deeper level of affinity because touch expresses love, i.e. parents should adore and cherish their kids so much that the youngster feels love from their touch and breath.
Fellowship with your Fellow Man As mentioned earlier, fellowshipping with another opens the door to a greater degree of closeness.
Pastor Crest explains: ‘Fellowship means spiritual intimacy. When Adam walked with God in the garden, they would fellowship with each other, reaching a more intense place of intimacy each time (because talking is breathing on each other—sharing your sprit with another). Therefore while fellowshipping, we are talking and feeling a spiritual connection with someone else. Words are spiritual and breathing reveals the life-giving power God has given us.’ This connection can be expressed in many different ways.
With parent and child, the child hears the talking, feels the breath and senses the spiritual bond with the parent.
In romantic relationships, we experience physical attraction and link spiritually. That divine association brings life to the relationship which keeps the couple together.
Let’s examine some of your past experiences. Look at the people you are really close to—how did you get to that place? You talked, spent time together and shared your most intimate dreams and desires. You allowed yourselves to be vulnerable and touched the other’s life. You connected on all 3 levels.
Yet you wonder why you don’t know much about your boyfriend—the man you’ve given your body to, spent your money on and invested your time in. He was fine shooting the breeze and kicking it with you but he never disclosed his innermost thoughts, personal truths or deepest fears. You may have verbalized your secrets to him but how much did he reveal about himself? Not much, since you do most of the talking most of the time and he sat back and took notes so he could become the man you wanted him to be in order to get what he wanted from you. You only knew what he allowed you to know about himself which was limited information.
Or maybe you have friends that you spend lots of time with but really don’t know? You all say so much but never say anything. None of you expose your vulnerabilities, worries, dreams and wishes with the other. There have been more empty conversations and fruitless discussions than you care to remember—the fact remains that you never touched her life and she never helped you grow in yours.
Some of us women have become the ‘queens of the masquerade’—hiding behinds masks, telling our friends what we want them to know and revealing certain aspects of our character to maintain the image we’ve created. We replace intimate sharing with hanging out, partying, and socializing, among other things. Why do we do that? One reason is fear of being judged or not being accepted for our true selves.
Besides engaging in numerous encounters with people and never being fulfilled and satisfied by our interaction with them, we drag that fruitless behavior and apprehension into our relationship with God. We call ourselves communing, praying and having Bible study just to get off our knees as hollow and unaffected by the time we gave Him as we were before we decided to get on our knees in the first place.
To sum it up, intimacy takes time and effort from all involved—it’s definitely not a one-way street. And it must touch us on all three levels—spirit, soul and body.
We can now see where we’ve made our mistakes in certain relationships and why they aren’t as fulfilling as we would like—basically, because our affiliation with a special someone never reached that deeply cherished place. Instead of risking it and letting that person into the near and dear parts of our selves, we gave them the superficial, made-up, ‘I’ve got it together’ self. And we wonder why we have a string of unsatisfying relationships.
In next month’s issue, we’ll delve more into the spiritual side of intimacy while connecting it to the soul and body, expose why we develop addictive behaviors that keep us hooked to those empty and detrimental relationships and how an under-developed soul is a danger to ourselves and others.
About the Author:
Keema Mingo has been working in the media (television, radio & print) for 10+ years. She has a Bachelor's in Theology, a Bachelor's in Mass Communications and a Master's in Cinema/Television. She currently writes for http://www.breatheagainmagazine.com
posted by Things that Make You Go Shhhh @ 8:22 PM
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